I am a BAD writer

From how to make a lemonade in fifth grade (First, Second, Third, Finally) to an analytical paper on Lord of the Flies during my high school years (finding my thesis statement), my writing has been garbage. Writing just wasn’t for me. As a matter of fact, I detested writing. I did well in my English and literature classes, but they were so dreadful. Young me would have never foreseen this day where I sit and write for fun!

You see, I never considered myself a writer. More than that, I considered myself a BAD writer because it felt as if everyone around me was better at it; I didn’t have the skill. In result, writing was terrifying because I didn’t believe in myself.

I was fortunate to attend pretty elite schools for middle and high school, but before that, I was simply the new fourth grader; The immigrant kid at my neighborhood elementary school that didn’t speak English. Thus, the drastic jump from a low performing elementary school to the top of the line private schools was definitely hard at first.  I grew accustomed to being surrounded by wealthy, brilliant kids who inhabited the cloisters, but at times it was overwhelming. Mostly, in the writing labs. It doesn’t come as a surprise since I learned the English language at the age of ten and lacked the reading and writing stamina in my early education stages.

Nowadays, I still don’t consider myself a writer. I just feel the urge to express myself and words come. I enjoy doing it. Writing soothes my inner gabbiness. It enables that mumble-jumbo of noise inside of me and gives it a voice.  So, I write. I write to escape from my own incarceration, perhaps? Although writing is no longer about comparison and grades, I still have the motivation for growth. I’m no longer trying to compete with anyone or measure my work against anyone else’s standards. Instead, I am working towards setting my creativity free in a manner that inspires other to do the same.

I have come to the conclusion that I am a BAD WRITER because writing is not about being a good writer. It is about writing from the heart and filling those blank pages with ideas that matter to me and subjects that fulfill me. I should focus on typing my emotions away because only then is when excellent writing happens. When we write with passion, we don’t settle for good writing. I am not saying that, in order to create good content, we should feel mediocre, but most times complacency kills success.

Yes, I was a bad writer; I am a bad writer; I will always be a bad writer, but I am okay with that because by being a “bad writer” it pushes me to create great work. 

Thanks for reading,

Gabby Salazar